Unglückliche Ehe | Unhappy marriage, a teḥinah by Pereẓ Beer (1815)

Contributor(s): Pereẓ (Peter) Beer and Aharon N. Varady (transcription)

Shared on: 20 February 2022 under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike (CC BY-SA) 4.0 International copyleft license

Categories: Marriage

Tags: 19th century C.E., 56th century A.M., German vernacular prayer, Jewish Women's Prayers, Problematic prayers, תחינות teḥinot, Teḥinot in German

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Source (German)	Translation (English)
Unglückliche Ehe.	Unhappy marriage.
Gott der Liebe und der Erbarmung: verschmähe die Thränen deiner Magd nicht, und öffne dein Ohr ihren Seufzern. Wohin kann ich meine Zuflucht nehmen, wem darf ich meine Noth klagen, vor wem meinen Schmerz und Kummer so offenherzig ausschütten, als vor dir, mein Vater im Himmel? Du siehest was ich leide, dir ist’s bekannt, welches harte Loos mich getroffen, welche Bürde mich niederdrückt! — Ich bekenne es mit Reue und Demuth. daß ich durch meine Sünden eine schwehre Strafe verschuldet habe. Ich erkenne es als Gnade, wenn du auf dieser Welt dafür mich büßen läßt, um einst rein und gelaütert vor dir zu erscheinen. Nur bitte ich um deinen mächtigen Beistand, daß ich unter diesem Kummer nicht erliege, nicht an deiner Gnade verzweifle. Ich rufe dich um die Gabe der Geduld und Sanftmuth an, daß ich durch Ausbrüche der Ungeduld, durch eine mürrische Gemüthsstimmung, diese Bürde mir nicht noch mehr erschwere! Ich flehe dich um Weisheit und Ergebenheit, daß ich in mein Schicksal, so hart es auch ist, mich füge, deinen Wink zur Besserung nicht außer Acht laße, und durch Murren wider deine Schickung, durch Zweifel an deine Hülfe, meine Sünden nicht vervielfältige.	God of love and mercy: do not spurn the tears of your handmaid, and open your ear to her sighs. Where can I take refuge, to whom may I lament my distress, before whom may I pour out my pain and sorrow so openly, than before you, my Father in heaven? You see what I suffer, you know what hard fate has befallen me, what burden weighs me down! — I confess with remorse and humility that I have incurred a heavy punishment through my sins. I recognize it as mercy, if you let me atone for it in this world, in order to appear pure and blessed before you one day. I only ask for your mighty help that I do not succumb under this grief, that I do not despair of your grace. I call upon you for the gift of patience and gentleness, so that I do not make this burden even more difficult for myself through outbursts of impatience, through a sullen mood! I beseech you for wisdom and submission, that I may submit to my fate, no matter how hard as it is, that I not ignore your hint for improvement, and I do not multiply my sins by grumbling against your providence, by doubting your help.
Gib mir, o Gott, Sinn und Muth, das Herz meines Gatten zu gewinnen und es mir wieder zurück zu bringen! Ich will, so viel in meinen Kräften steht, dazu beitragen, ich will arbeitsam, haüslich, friedlich, sanftmüthig und gelassen seyn, um, wo möglich die eheliche Eintracht wieder herzustellen.	Give me, O God, sense and courage to win the heart of my husband and to bring it back to me! I want to contribute as much as I can, I want to be hardworking, careful, peaceful, gentle and calm, in order to restore marital harmony wherever possible.
Ich bitte dich auch für meinen unglücklichen, verblendeten, von seinen Leidenschaften, oder Berführungen hingerissenen Gatten. Erleuchte, bekehre, ziehe ihn zurück vom Wege des Verderbens! Gern will ich dulden und schweigen, das Geschehene vergessen, wenn er nur zu seinen Pflichten, als Gatte, als Vater zurückkehrt. O rette ihn, o Gott, aus dem Verderben, ich bitte dich um deines heiligen Namens Willen!	I also ask you for my unhappy, deluded husband, who is carried away by his passions and emotions. Enlighten, convert, draw him back from the path of ruin! I will gladly tolerate and keep silent, forget what has happened, if only he returns to his duties as a husband, as a father. O God, save him from destruction, I beg you for the sake of your holy name!
Erleuchte und stärke auch mich, daß es mir gelingen möge, durch schickliche Begegnung, durch kluges Betragen, durch Beweise der aufrichtigsten Treue und Ergebenheit, seine Liebe mir wieder zu gewinnen. Gib meinen Worten Anmuth und Kraft, wie du einst der Königin Esther Gunst und Huld in den Augen ihres königlichen Gatten verliehen hast. Laß meine Bitten und Vorstellungen Eingang bei ihm finden; führe sein verirrtes Herz mir wieder zu; vereinige uns aufs neue und schenke uns deinen göttlichen Segen dazu, damit wir lange noch in Friede und Einigkeit zusammen leben, und gemeinschaftlich unsre Kinder nach deinem Willen erziehen und versorgen mögen.	Enlighten and strengthen me also, so that I may succeed in regaining his love through a suitable encounter, through wise conduct, through proofs of the most sincere loyalty and devotion. Give my words grace and strength, as you once gave Queen Esther^[1] Esther 5:2. favor and grace in the eyes of her royal husband. Let my requests and ideas find their way to him; lead his lost heart back to me; unite us anew and grant us your divine blessing, so that we may live together in peace and unity for a long time to come, and together educate and care for our children according to your will.
Ist es aber, o Gott! dein unerforschlicher Wille, mich noch länger leiden zu lassen, so gib, daß das böse Beispiel auf das Herz unsrer Kinder keinen schlimmen Eindruck mache. Verleihe mir Kraft und Ausdauer, daß ich mein Herz durch Religion und Tugend gegen alle Laster, gegen alle böse Begierden, gegen alle Lockungen zur Sünde verwahre, damit ich meinem Gatten, meinen Kindern und all den Meinigen ein gutes Beispiel gebe. Erhöre das inbrünstige Flehen eines Weibs mit schwerem Gemüthe, Gott!^[2] The 1843 edition includes, “wie du das Gebet der schwermüthigen Hanna erhort hast,” (as you heard the prayer of Hannah in her melancholy [1 Samuel 1:13]). der du zerbrochne Herzen heilst, und ihre Wunden verbindest! Amen.	But if, O God, it is your inscrutable will to make me suffer longer, grant that this bad example not make an ill impression on the hearts of our children. Grant me strength and perseverance to guard my heart by religion and virtue against all vices, against all evil desires, against all temptations to sin, so that I may set a good example to my husband, my children and all my own. Hear the fervent plea of a woman with a heavy heart, God, who heals broken hearts and binds up their wounds.^[3] Psalms 147:3. Amen.

“Unglückliche Ehe (Unhappy Marriage)” was first published in Pereẓ (Peter) Beer’s Gebetbuch für gebildete Frauenzimmer mosaischer Religion (1815), as teḥinah №39 on p. 127-129 where it was rendered in Judeo-German. The German rendering transcribed above follows teḥinah №39 in Henry Frank’s 1839 edition on p. 108-110. A variation can also be found in the Beer’s 1843 edition as teḥinah №40 on p. 107-109. We have labeled this prayer as problematic as submission in the circumstance of a dysfunctional relationship is unhealthy, terrible advice. In the event of an unhappy marriage, please seek appropriate marriage counseling and family therapy. You are not alone. Social services offered by your local Jewish Family Service agency may be able to help.

We welcome corrections and improvements. The transcription of the German from Latin script in Fraktur type provided machine-readable text for a machine translation by DeepL, which we then edited for accuracy and clarity. –Aharon Varady

Sources

Notes[+]

Notes
1	Esther 5:2.
2	The 1843 edition includes, “wie du das Gebet der schwermüthigen Hanna erhort hast,” (as you heard the prayer of Hannah in her melancholy [1 Samuel 1:13]).
3	Psalms 147:3.

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“Unglückliche Ehe | Unhappy marriage, a teḥinah by Pereẓ Beer (1815)” is shared through the Open Siddur Project with a Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike 4.0 International copyleft license.

Pereẓ (Peter) Beer

Pereẓ (Peter) Beer (פרץ בעער 1758-1838) born in Neubydžow, Bohemia, was a Jewish educator and maskil. Beer was the author of several pedagogical works which were used in Jewish schools for many years. After having received his early training in Bible and Talmud, and—what was unusual in those days—in German and Latin, he entered, at the age of fourteen, the yeshivah at Prague, and four years later that of Presburg. At the age of twenty-one he began his career as a teacher in a Hungarian village; but the desire for study soon brought him to Vienna, where for a time he attended the university. As a teacher in his native town, and from 1811 at the Jewish school at Prague, Beer displayed great activity in reforming the methods of instruction. By a well-arranged system of teaching Hebrew, Bible, and religion, he, like his contemporary Herz Homberg, fostered the spirit of progress which during the reign of Emperor Joseph II., and through the impulse given by Moses Mendelssohn, had been kindled among the Jews of Austria. As an advocate of radical reform in religious matters Beer was considerably in advance of his time.

Aharon N. Varady (transcription)

Aharon Varady (M.A.J.Ed./JTSA Davidson) is a volunteer transcriber for the Open Siddur Project. If you find any mistakes in his transcriptions, please let him know. Shgiyot mi yavin; Ministarot naqeni שְׁגִיאוֹת מִי־יָבִין; מִנִּסְתָּרוֹת נַקֵּנִי "Who can know all one's flaws? From hidden errors, correct me" (Psalms 19:13). If you'd like to directly support his work, please consider donating via his Patreon account. (Varady also translates prayers and contributes his own original work besides serving as the primary shammes of the Open Siddur Project and its website, opensiddur.org.)

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ויהי נעם אדני אלהינו עלינו ומעשה ידינו כוננה עלינו ומעשה ידינו כוננהו "May the pleasantness of אדֹני our elo’ah be upon us; may our handiwork be established for us — our handiwork, may it be established." –Psalms 90:17